I think I’ve been a little delusional.
Last week, after a good ultrasound and stable cervical length (for the 2nd week in a row). I was allowed to go home for Shabbat. I had a wonderful Shabbat at home. Pure bliss. Quiet family dinner. Kvelling over my kids. Lunch by friends. Couldn’t have asked for anything more.
This week, I’ve been feeling good. I’ve been allowing myself to do a bit more…
I went out yesterday to a lovely double birthday lunch with my mother in law and Chanan, who share a birthday. It was great. Good food. Good company. I was basking in the warm rays of sun. Enjoying the outdoor fresh air.
Last night I had my weekly “date” with Dr. G. I gave him this whole speech that I had written in my head all week long. How I’ve been feeling so good and have been off contraction medication, and how I should be going home and continuing bed rest there.
I need my kids, and they need me. I also know that despite my best efforts, when I’m home I end up doing a bit here and there. More than I should…
I still want to go home. I’ll do my very best. I’ll have help, and I know that Chanan will watch over me like a hawk.
Yuval listened intently. Then checked my Cervix. It had shortened. Substantially. He was worried. No talk of going home now. Might go back on contraction medication, and get another round of steroid shots…
It’s time for me to dig deep again. Release fear. Release control. Find more ko’ach. Back to strict bed rest, Laying down (I have been sitting up much more..).
I guess this coming Shabbat will be here. I will try to stop planning ahead.
B”h both of my babies are doing great. They both weigh over a kilo, and look happy and healthy.
I have the very important job of keeping them in. Keeping them happy and healthy. Praying that they stay safely inside. As long as possible.
Only i can solely do this. With Hashem’s help, and your prayers.