Break away

My veins ache. So many things being pumped through them: zofran, pramin, saline to name a few. Strange feeling to actually feel your veins. I can say, however, that finally in the last couple of days (warning tmi), I haven’t thrown up. For the extent of this pregnancy thus far, i haven’t been able to keep food down at all. When you can’t enjoy food ,your ‘joy of life’ is gone. When even smells cause you to gag, there is no zest in life. Friends would offer to cook or buy anything i’d want, and i’d want nothing! So sad…
Today we took the heparin lock out, hopefully I’ll be able to swallow the pills orally. My veins needed a break.
During this hospital stay, I realized just how many things we take for granted. Now that I’ve literally moved into the hospital, and i am mostly laying in bed, with occasional wheel chair excursions, life sure looks different…
When I’m out in the wheel chair I get at times those sympathy looks…other times I feel like I’m in rush hour traffic, with people busily cutting me off.
I think everyone should spend a day in a wheel chair, just for some perspective…

Chanan and Nesh came this morning for a visit. It was hectic. We were trying to get mundane paper work in order (bills etc.).
It was a disaster! We pretty much bit each others heads off. This time is so incredibly stressful.

Today was Hodaya’s ballet recital as well. I felt so bad missing it. Stuck in the hospital, away from my loved ones. She’s been practicing so much for it. It meant the world to her.
I’ve been having fantasies of breaking out…flying back home. Probably waddling is more like it…

Tomorrow is another ultrasound to check cervical length. I’ll discuss with my Dr. lowering my contraction medication, to see how I react. Perhaps it’ll be a step in the direction of going home.
I know that i need to do what’s best for my babies, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to stay in the hospital, away from my kids. Every time I speak to Eden, my 4 year old, she asks me when I’m coming home. Today Shalevi said to me “I love you” on the phone for the very first time. I’ve been bawling ever since.
I pray that Hashem knows what he’s/she’s doing, and that I/we can make it through this.



7 thoughts on “Break away

  1. You are inspiring to read. I just finished a 7 week hospital bedrest and completely empathize with what you are going through. I was only able to go out on a wheelchair ONCE. I appreciate small things I always took for granted now, like the sun on my face, my two year old coming to my bed in the morning to tell me he wants chocolate milk, being able to walk, being able to stand… You sound amazing. I know you don’t feel it but you are. I would love to email you privately…

  2. You can do it – keep your eye on the prize. You are doing such important things even while you sit in your bed…I am sure everything is so hard. May Hashem give you the strength and perspective and health you and your babies need. I am davening for you.

  3. Geula, in your line of work, throwing up is definitely not TMI. 😉 Interesting about your wheel chair perspectives.

    So glad the hep lock is out and hope the pill swallowing goes smoothly. Give the babies a tummy rub for me!

  4. You are stronger than you know. You can be as strong as you need to be as a mother. I wish I had known what I know now when I was on hospital bed rest with my triplets! Do whatever you can to keep those babies in! I was so uncomfortable and was so ready to have those babies out and see sunshine and smell fresh air…. They were very premature and continue to have issues to this day… They’re seven. I totally empathize with what you’re going through. And nobody knows how hard it is! But you can do it, I just know you can! I’m a very old friend of Chanan’s from Yad B’Yad and although you and I have never met, I feel that I know you. I’m praying for you all!

  5. Geuliyah, You don’t know me but I am praying for you and your family. Wish I could give you a hug but I am thousands of miles away. YHVH is close however. As close as a whispered prayer in the night. He is there with you, darling girl!

    I am sure that everybody who reads this blog is praying for you too. Have somebody bring you a Tanakh and read a bit every day. YHVH’s Word will comfort you. He loves you so much.

    Sending much love and blessings.
    Suzanne U

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