Today is a new day. It’s amazing what a good nights sleep can do. A close friend came to visit last night. I got to go get wheeled out into the fresh crisp cool Jerusalem air. The hospital is surrounded by the most beautiful green hills. The day of the surgery (tues.), when the wait to go down to the O.R. was driving me crazy, Chanan wheeled me outside, and we both said Tehilim (Psalms). That moment of prayer “אשא עיני אל ההרים, מאין יבוא עזרי״
‘I’ll raise my eyes up to the mountains, where shall my salvation appear’.
Lifting my eyes, and being surrounded by these beautiful Jerusalem mountains, moved me. I knew Hashem was with me.
I feel like I need to back up and rewind a bit. This blog has spontaneously appeared. I wrote the first post, as a private journal entry, just for me, to decompress before the surgery. While I was in surgery, Chanan was getting phone calls from our loved ones, who were concerned and wanted to be updated. He decided that puting it up as a blog would be the best way. I had been thinking of writing a blog for some time. This pregnancy feels too big and miraculous to me to keep it to myself, I needed to share it. I felt like it had a great purpose. I’ve been very I’ll and weak most of this pregnancy thus far. For the first few months I managed to treat (acupuncture, herbs, massage etc.), doula and teach childbirth education classes. My work is my life, my passion. It defines me. It is a part of me, it is who I am. Being pregnant with triplets, forced me to let go of my control, at my constant attempts to be superwoman. Trying to balance my treatments and births with my home life, My amazing 5 children and one of a kind supportive husband.
I had the privilege of being able to leave for a birth, at any hour, at a moments notice, because I have my husband to swoop in and pick up where I left off.
Now, in these last weeks I’ve been put on strict bed rest by Dr. G. I had to focus solely on these babies. My body was doing so much. Of course, at first I
was in denial, and continued to schedule more treatments, but the last couple of weeks it was clear to me, that i couldn’t work anymore. I had to listen to my body, just like I tell my clients.
Two weeks ago, my husband lost his father after a long battle with cancer. Shivaa started on Sunday. That was the same day I was sent to the hospital, and baby B was diagnosed with acsites (Swelling in her abdomen). Both baby A and B appeared to have excess amniotic fluid. By tues. baby B was very sick. She had hydrops, but no other clear signs of TTTS were visible. When I was 14 weeks pregnant, they seemed to have severe TTTS, baby B was whats known as a ‘Stuck twin’ the donor to her recipient sister baby A. It was too early for surgery. We had to wait and pray. By 16 weeks it had miraculously worked out. Now, it seems like the dreadful TTTS was back with a vengeance. Baby A and B switched roles (I guess they were really trying to share..), and baby B was deteriorating quickly. I had to make big decisions.
Do we do nothing and wait it out? Most likely baby B would die very soon, and might cause serious harm to baby A. Do we Clamp baby B’s cord to save baby A? Do we give both baby A and B an injection to their heart, and end their life in order to save baby C? or, do we go for the heroic effort to separate their shared blood vessels, in order to give them a fighting chance, and protect baby A if baby B doesn’t make it?
Though any intrauterine surgery endangers baby C along with the entire pregnancy.
My first clear instinct was to do nothing until Chanan was up from Shivaa. That was a choice. A choice to wait and hope and pray for improvement, and make decisions the following week. It gave us and Dr.G a little extra time to think. Although, during that long, nerve-wracking week, there was great risk of loosing baby A and B. We consulted a dear trusted Mekubal, Rav Toib, who said: “Find a Dr. You trust, and listen to him”. (Rav Toib was the person who told us to add the hebrew letter ‘Yod’ to my name, changing it from Geula to Geuliyah. Changing my name, and thus my energy and mazal. In addition he told us from the start that I was carrying three girls).
We felt we were in the hands of a skilled angel, in Dr. Gialchinsky’s care.
After the Shivaa, Chanan and i were able to discuss our options. We decided that even though we could be putting the entire pregnancy at risk, we had to go the laser surgery route and try along with the medical experts to do our best for our babies, and the rest would be in G-d’s hands. I wasn’t sure what Dr. G wanted to do. he had said that he had to think it over 100 times. Finally he called me, after speaking with his Mentor with whom he worked closely, Dr. Kypros Nicolaides from Kings College Hospital. He felt that we should do the laser surgery. I was thrilled that we were on the same page. Just as Rav Toib had said, we were going to listen to him (along with taking responsibility for the decisions that we make).
I guess this all fills you in with the process we were going through up until the first blog.
Today, we checked on baby A’s flows. Baby A is doing well. She looks a bit anemic. We are closely monitoring her. She also may have had TAPS, an anemic disorder between identical twins.
I was hoping to be released today, but Dr. G feels (and I agree with him) that I should stay in the hospital until things are more stable. I’m on medication to stop contractions till Saturday night, when we’ll stop it and see how my body reacts without. Dr. G’s fear is that pre-term labor could come on quite suddenly and very quickly. Once it starts it could be hard to stop.
So it looks like we are here for now…
I did manage to use some of my “protektzia” and scored a beautiful private room (thanks to head nurse Orit).
Some little part of me, well really a big part of me, can’t help but wonder if we made the right choice. Should we have waited, not done the procedure and let time take it’s course? Or had we have done the procedure a week earlier would the out come have been different?
I do believe that Hashem is orchestrating it all, it’s out of our hands.
I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and prayers from people all over. It has been amazing to read the comments and messages from people telling me how reading about our journey has affected them or helped them in one way or the other. I didn’t plan for this, it just seemed like a good therapeutic way to process my thoughts and make some sense out of this whole thing.
With that being said, thank you all for your support, for following, reading and sharing this blog. There are many thousands in over 15 countries reading my posts. Being as I haven’t been able to work for sometime, it is also giving me and this whole process purpose. Aside from keeping theses babies in, This is now my work. My labour of love. I am truly grateful.
Shabbat Shalom from Jerusalem.